


ten years ago

by laanatdelrey



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash - Freeform, Aslan Jade Callenreese - Freeform, Aslan talks to his younger self, Character Development, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Self, ash is pretty emo, asheiji, asheiji husbandos, dream - Freeform, so soft, ya know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25839193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laanatdelrey/pseuds/laanatdelrey
Summary: a conversation with twenty eight year old Aslan Jade Callenreese, now an Eng Lit professor, with his younger self from Ash Lynx, eighteen year old gang leader of NYC.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 10
Kudos: 155
Collections: Ash Lynx Day 2020





	ten years ago

**Author's Note:**

> dear reader,  
> this has been sitting in my drafts for weeks. I'm glad I finally got around to finishing it. Oh, right. I'm swamped with a lot of work. And I start class in two minutes UGH
> 
> basically, Aslan has a dream where he talked to his younger self, Ash. Aslan and Ash are going to be two different characters, by the way. I normally write a lot of fluff with no plot, so I tried to make this fic "emotional" (it was a poor attempt indeed. I need feedback, please.)
> 
> hope you enjoy!
> 
> \- M ♡

_If you were to have a conversation with your past self from ten years ago, what advice would you give them?_

Aslan tapped the pencil against his journal, staring at the writing prompt scrawled out in front of him. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed filling in an entry in his journal, but this one left him stumped. Where does he even start?

Well first off, he never expected to live past eighteen, let alone even live a happy life. Now twenty-eight years old, Aslan J. Callenreese is an English Literature professor at Tokyo Uni, and happily married to Eiji Okumura. Indeed, he has grown tremendously over the years as a person. All thanks to the therapy and support, he’s progressing in coping with his trauma and his PTSD. He has now learned how to love, and looked at life in a rather more positive light. Hell, he even spoils the heck out of his husband, Eiji Okumura.

How can he even begin to explain this?

“Aslan? It’s getting late now.” said Eiji, breaking Aslan out of his thoughts. “I think we should go to sleep. You must be tired from teaching today.”

Aslan shut the notebook and opened up his bedside table drawer to put the notebook in, and took off his wire-rimmed glasses and placed it next to the lamp.

“Yeah. You must be tired too.”

Eiji also took off his glasses and reached over to turn off his night light. Eiji curled up close to him, resting his head under Aslan’s chin. Aslan held him tightly in his arms in return, stroking his long, black hair and twirling the thick locks; it made his husband sleepy.

“Where’s my good night kiss?” Eiji asked in the darkness, a hint of laughter in his voice. 

“Ten years later and you still have that little smirk of yours.” Aslan laughed as he put his hands on each side of Eiji’s face, cupping his cheeks and leaning in for a soft, chaste kiss. Eiji snuggled closer in Ash’s chest and whispered, “I love you, Aslan.”

“I love you too, Eiji,” Aslan replied, warmth in his voice.

Holding Eiji tightly in his arms, he thought about the journal prompt until sleep overtook him. 

\---- 

He was standing in darkness. 

  
There was black everywhere. He looked down and up, and it appeared that he was an abyss of darkness. He looked around him only to realize he’s surrounded with mirrors--a room? It seemed unsettling seeing his reflection all around him. Almost as if he was expecting his reflection to change. There was absolutely no sound. Just the sound of his breathing and the pumping of his heart. 

Aslan walked closer, and the many reflections of Aslans began to follow. He stepped closer and studied his appearance. 

He still had his signature shoulder-length blond hair, long bangs that touch his chin. His eyesight got worse over the years, resulting in donning wire-rimmed glasses 24/7, the same pair of striking jade orbs always behind the lenses. Aslan has grown taller and broader over the years, no longer having the delicate, skinny body but now owning a broader, well built one, all thanks to Eiji’s nagging on eating bigger meals. He looked at his hands--he recalled reading in a psychology article that multiple fingers meant that you are in a dream. He counted his fingers--twelve of them.

  
Yes, he was dreaming. 

He walked around, and the reflections continued to follow him. He took a step forward. Then another. Then another. The reflections mirrored his movement. Aslan kept walking closer and closer to this wall of mirrors until he was able to stare at his face up close. He examined the hint of gentle freckles on his nose and stubble on his chin. 

  
He held out his hand to touch the mirror and stared at his reflection. An exact duplicate of him. 

That was until the mirror began to crack, Aslan seeing his figure starting to split in shapes, flickering. His appearance began to change, and Aslan caught a glimpse of--was that his teenage self looking at him?

What?

A loud sound overtook him, and the wall of mirrors shattered into a million pieces, shards dissolving in the air. Aslan covered his ears. What was going on?

The shards fluttered away to reveal a young teenager. He looked like he was in his late adolescence, around seventeen, eighteenish? The boy had the same sparkly jade orbs as him, now clouded with suspension. Donning worn-out red converse, a red jacket, and a pair of ripped blue jeans, the boy also had blond hair just like his, but shorter. Rather styled slicked back, his hair fell to his chin.  
  


Aslan studied his appearance for a moment until realization overtook him. Indeed, there was his teenage self, standing right in front of him ; his former identity, Ash Lynx. He still went by the name Ash, but _this_ Ash Lynx was a former gang leader of New York City and the most wanted criminal. A twinge of nostalgia and---melancholy?---twirled in his stomach, recognizing his old self. 

“Who are you?” the teenager declared, reaching for his hip to withdraw his gun, only to realize he didn’t have a weapon on him.

A sudden softness washed over Aslan’s face. “I’m you, ten years later.” He smiled. 

Ash studied him quizzically. “What…?”

“I think we should talk, shall we?” said Aslan, gesturing to the black abyss, only to turn back behind him to see a table with two stools with lunch laid out on the table. Where the _hell_ did that come from?

This dream was getting weird. 

They sat down on the stools, chamomile tea in a porcelain teapot, and sandwiches arranged in a fancy plate presented in front of them. _It was almost like this dream wanted them to talk to each other._

“What’s this?” scowled Ash.

“Food. Try some,” Aslan picked up a shrimp and avocado sandwich, and took a generous bite. The sandwich tasted like nothing. He put the sandwich back down. Meanwhile, Ash nibbled on the corner of the sandwich, grimacing. “What the hell is this? Shrimp and avocado, but in a sandwich?”

“It tastes pretty good, actually. I make it for myself all the time.”

“How do you come up with this shit?”

“Well, I was tired of carrying shrimp and avocado salad in my bento box since it always got messy and weirdly soggy, so I slapped two pieces of bread together and decided to make it into a sandwich. Bingo!”

“Didn’t know my future self knew how to cook,” Ash smirked, “All I know how to make is undercooked spaghetti in cold canned tomato sauce.”

“You need to eat more.” Aslan teased.

“And you dress like a grandpa.” Ash retorted, pointing at his cream-colored argyle sweater and brown overcoat.

“Oh my god, look who’s talking. You dressed like one whenever you met with your _dad”-_ -he made air-quotes in the air with his fingers--” Max, for goodness sake!!”

“But you actually look like one. An old man. Because of your wrinkles. ” 

Aslan rolled his eyes. “I am twenty-eight years old!” 

Ash didn’t respond and continued to chew on his sandwich, eyeing him curiously. “So…”

Aslan smiled, his features growing softer. “Yeah? Don’t be afraid to ask.”

“Um...so….are you still a gang leader?” He blurted out with a mouthful of sandwich. 

Aslan shook his head. “No, I am no longer a gang leader.”

“What do you do now, then?”

“I am an English Literature professor at a university.”

“You speak weirdly.”

“And you need to work on your manners towards elders, eh?” Aslan sighed, “My younger self sure was rebellious.”

They continued in silence, Ash devouring his sandwich while Aslan sipped his chamomile tea, which still tasted like nothing. He wished for the flowery scent to coat his tongue and calm him down. Aslan has definitely become more of a tea drinker thanks to Eiji and his obsession with stocking the kitchen cabinet with tea.

Ash leaned back in his stool and burped loudly, and the imaginary food disappeared. He patted his stomach. “That was a good lunch.”

“You shouldn’t burp on the table!” Aslan scolded.

“Golzine said the same thing when I was stuck in his mansion.” Ash shrugged. 

A daunting chill ran down Aslan’s back, and he shivered. He realized that Golzine was alive in seventeen-year-old Ash’s world. Just hearing someone else utter his name kept him on edge. 

“You seem tense.” Ash pointed out. “Are you still...haunted by him to this day? Am I really going to suffer like this for the rest of my life?” There was fear present in his voice. 

Aslan fell silent.

Even if he no longer experienced his trauma, it didn’t mean his past didn’t hurt him. In fact, he was never able to outrun his past. His first year in Japan was one of the toughest years in his life, experiencing nightmares frequently and having horrifying flashbacks haunting him in his everyday life. It was almost like living in Japan with Eiji made things worse to him at first, but after seeking help and therapy sessions, he slowly learned how to handle his trauma. It was a grueling, tedious process, but Aslan was able to learn how to recognize his emotions. But that doesn’t mean his trauma was cured.

“Come on, answer me!” Ash spat out, anger rising in his voice. “You have to tell me! I can handle it-”

“Yes.” Aslan solemnly said.

“Then what’s the point of living if I’m going to be broken forever?” Ash ranted. He sprang up from his stool and began to pace back and forth, angrily. “All my life I just wanted to escape _this..._ this pain that I feel every single day!” Pure rage began to settle on Ash’s face--about his pain, his self perception of himself, his _fate_. “But I guess I can’t escape my pain--so there’s no point in seeking happiness! I’m just going to live like this for the rest of my life, killing people and committing sins, taking lives and slitting throats. That’s all I’m good at anyway--!”

Aslan walked to Ash and slapped his young self _hard_. He slowly held a hand to his reddening cheek and stared at Aslan with wide eyes. 

“You,” he seethed, “Don’t you dare ever say such bullshit like that again! You have gone through so much, but you have the potential to _change your fate_ for god’s sake! You can’t give up!”

Ash began to sniffle, and hot tears began to roll down his cheeks. “But I--I’m not..I only know how to kill people. I’m n-not...c-capable of being happy…” Immediately, Aslan walked over to his side and engulfed him in a tight hug, gently patting his head as his younger self cried harder in his chest. “G-Golzine s-said that I am not capable of anything without h-him, and he said that I-I’m _just like him_ and--I don’t _wanna_ be a bad person! But I am one! I’m always hurting people!”

“Ash, listen to me alright?” He kneeled down on one leg, and looked up at his younger self. “You have a big heart. A _kind_ one. You’re so loyal and compassionate towards your friends and those who you want to protect. They are so grateful to have such a selfless person in their lives like you. You had no choice but to kill people because it was the only way for you to survive. Deep down inside you, you’re a caring person and you deserve to be loved.”

“How do you know that?” Ash sniffled, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his jacket.

Aslan picked up the charm that was hanging on his necklace and showed it to him. _A silver fingerprint._ “Because I finally allowed myself to be loved,” He smiled, and held it to his younger self who cradled the charm gently. Ash ran his thumb through the silver fingerprint charm, running through the rough edges.

The fingerprint of his soulmate.

“I can have _this_?” Ash asked, another tear rolling down his cheek. His older self leaned in to wipe away his tear with his thumb, “Of course you can, it’s okay to love. Everyone is capable of love. See? Eiji loves you very much.” Said Aslan as he rubbed his younger self’s back in soothing circles, calming him down. 

“Yeah...right. About Eiji..” Ash trailed off, “I-is he with you?”

“We live in Tokyo together. And Eiji is my husband.”

A cherry red blush appeared across Ash’s pale face. “Y...You’re married to him?”

“I can see it in your eyes, Ash!” He poked his cheek, teasing, “You like him!”

“U-um, yeah...Who proposed?”

“I did.” Aslan declared proudly. 

At that moment, Ash began to laugh nervously. “H-how were you ever able to confess to _him_?” Smart, cunning, confident Ash, scared of _confessing his feelings?_ Oh, the irony.

Aslan shrugged. “I mean, it took me a while to come to terms with my own feelings and I knew Eiji liked me back, so we both confessed and we started dating. Then I proposed to him and bam! We’re married.”

“S-so you mean, there’s a possibility of a future with him? But we live in different worlds.”

“Oh, don’t listen to that Blanca bitch,” he waved, “A rabbit and a lynx can’t be friends? _Bullshit_. Of course they can! Eiji is not your “weakness” or whatever. Rather, he’s strengthened you in many ways that you don’t even realize. Honestly, I would have never grown as a person if it wasn’t for Eiji.”

“You seem so positive. I wish I can be just like you.” Ash laughed through his tears. 

“Of course you can!” Aslan beamed, his sparkly jade eyes shining with belief, like emeralds glowing in the sunlight, “If I can do it, you can!” as he drew Ash closer to him, Ash melting into the hug. Hugs have never felt so comforting, at least for Ash. He knew that his younger self always hated physical contact unless it was Eiji.

But this one felt different. This one felt reassuring and full of hope, something that lacked in Ash’s life. That he can live peacefully. That he can be loved. That he can make the transition from Ash Lynx, gang leader and murderer, to Aslan Jade Callenreese, a kind hearted man with a brighter outlook on life. 

“Ash, can you listen to me for a moment?” said Aslan. He broke the hug and gripped Ash’s shoulders, “You have to live, okay? All your life you have been trying to survive. Now, you need to learn how to _live_. For Eiji. You know how much Eiji cares about you, right? You’re going to get fake documents, go to Japan, and attend university. Then, you’re going to go to therap--”

“Am I really that messed up?” Ash snorted.

Aslan gripped his shoulders harder. “No! You don’t have to go now, but sooner or later you’re going to have to try. Therapy is going to _help_ you. It’s not weak to reach out for help. You’re going to learn how to manage your emotions. It’s a rocky start, but I can’t describe how better I felt after years of therapy. Even strong people need help sometimes. Alright?” 

Ash looked down at his worn-down sneakers, shoelaces untied. “I’m already a dead man.” He muttered quietly.

“Ash. It’s possible to live a happy life. I know you’re tired, and you just want everything to be over. But this is your one chance to live that peaceful life you’ve dreamed of. And it’s right in front of you!” Aslan continued, “I know everyone is capable of a pleasant life. A dead man like me made it out. And you can do it too.” He finished with a smile. Ash looked up and his hard features seemed to relax, seeing his older self’s facial expression. He almost possessed that big brother vibe...like Griffin. 

“I’ll try.” Ash said quietly. “I’ll do my best.”

Like a big brother, Aslan ruffled his hair. “That’s it! I’m so proud of you. I have so much belief in you. Good luck”

Ash looked up, gratefulness gracing his face, “Thank you,” he breathed.

\----

Aslan’s eyes shot open, heart beating fast. He looked around his room. The alarm clock read 5:26. The sun was beginning to rise outside. A body was curled up next to him, that was Eiji’s. He was back in Japan again, sleeping in his bedroom he shared with Eiji.

He blinked rapidly. _What was that?_

His fingers began to tingle with an inspiration to write. He quietly fished out the journal from his bedside drawer and slowly untangled himself from Eiji. Quietly, he tiptoed his way to his desk on the other side of the bedroom, that was crammed with grading papers and junk. Gently pushing the papers away, Aslan sat down on his desk chair, and picked up the pencil. He took one last glance at the rising dawn that was illuminating his journal page, the pencil scrawled prompt staring right back at him.

_If you were to have a conversation with your past self from ten years ago, what advice would you give them?_

Aslan picked up his pencil.

  
And began to write. 

**Author's Note:**

> wow, you actually made it here! not sure if i'm proud of this one.
> 
> if you wanna follow me, I'm @E1B1OKUMURA on twitter!! 
> 
> thanks for reading :)


End file.
